


Three People No One Expected Xander to Keep in Touch With

by allyndra



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Epistolary, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-04-21
Updated: 2008-04-21
Packaged: 2019-07-07 14:16:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15909942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allyndra/pseuds/allyndra
Summary: Snapshots of communication.Through post-Chosen for Buffy, the beginning if season 1 for Angel





	Three People No One Expected Xander to Keep in Touch With

**Author's Note:**

> Posted on LJ in April 2008, added on AO3 in September 2018 (backdated) 
> 
> Written for the Spring with Xan fest

“You know what I like about you?”

Xander blinked and sat up straighter against the cushions of his ratty sofa. “My debonair charm?” he hazarded.

Cordelia snorted in his ear. “Go hunt down whoever told you that you had debonair charm and hit them for lying so badly,” she said. “No, it’s that you’re the only person I know whose life is more pathetic than mine right now.”

“Hey!” Xander protested. “My life is not pathetic.”

“Please,” Cordelia scoffed.”You’re living in your parents’ basement which, no offense, has always smelled like a cross between cafeteria food and a litter box. And you’re not just a nametag person, you’re a paper hat person. It’s beyond sad. And therefore comforting.”

Xander rolled his eyes, but since he was currently sitting in his smelly basement and wearing his Corndog Heaven uniform, he couldn’t say much in his own defense. “Why couldn’t you have appreciated my lameness when we were dating?” he asked. “When it might have done me some good.”

Cordelia huffed out a breath, and Xander could practically hear her flipping her hair. “Back then, your intense lack of cool reflected badly on me,” she said slowly, the way she spoke to the mentally ill and girls who wore Birkenstocks. “But now, the more worthy of pity you are, the better I feel about my cockroaches.”

“Glad to be of service.” Xander tipped his head back against the cushions and stared up at the water stains on his ceiling. He usually only used them for the occasional game of ‘What does that stain look like?’, but he found himself wondering if they could be used to cheer Cordy up sometime. 

“Yeah, well. You should be,” she replied, her voice brisk. Xander wished he could see her face; he couldn’t read her voice well enough to tell how she was feeling, and he knew better than to ask. 

“Anyway,” Cordelia said. “I lost the deodorant commercial to a blonde whose breasts were faker than my nana’s teeth. So, contribute to society for once and tell me a tale of your loser life.”

If it had been anyone else asking, Xander would have felt defensive or angry. Or a mixture of the two, whipped up together and accented with a splash of shame. But it was Cordelia, who had been unable to resist liking him even when she thought he was the lamest guy on the planet. 

“Okay,” he said. He closed his eyes, blocking out the dingy basement and focusing on the sound of Cordelia breathing on the other end of the phone. “So we have this big walk-in cooler at work …”

After all, if he couldn’t use his abject humiliation at the hands of Jimmy the night manager for some good, what was the point of suffering through it?

***

Everything alright?  
From: agentsfinn@hotmail.com  
Sent: Sun 3/10/02 2:16 AM  
To: batmans_hero@yahoo.com

\--

Xander, 

Hey, Sam and I checked out the wedding website for pictures, and it was all blacked out. Is everything okay?

Also, if anyone there knows a charm for warding off qualatl demons and mosquitoes, could you send it to me? The mosquitoes are more of a problem than the demons, but we’ll take what we can get. 

Thanks much!

Riley

_______________________

RE: Everything alright?  
From: batmans_hero@yahoo.com  
Sent: Tues 3/12/02 5:37 PM  
To: agentsfinn@hotmail.com

Attachment - comfort and sanctity ward.doc (229 KB)  
\--

Riley, 

I didn’t want to ask Willow about the charm, for obvious, 12-step kind of reasons, but Tara said she had a spell that might help. Let me know if the attachment doesn’t work, and I’ll have Willow troubleshoot. (I won’t tempt her with magic for you, but I’ll totally make her do tech support.)

How are things going in back of beyond? And if beyond has a back, does it have a front? Because nobody ever seems to go to the front of beyond. Anyway, I’m guessing that the fact that you have blood left for the mosquitoes to suck means you took down that vampire cult okay.

Is everything okay? The wedding didn’t go. I’m not really up to talking about it, but feel free to assume the worst. (Actually, no one died, so don’t assume the worst. Just assume general horrific badness.)

Stay safe and take care of each other,  
Xander

_______________________

RE: RE: Everything alright?  
From: agentsfinn@hotmail.com  
Sent: Fri 3/15/02 3:18 AM  
To: batmans_hero@yahoo.com

\--

Xander,

Man, I’m sorry to hear about the wedding. Whatever happened, I hope you and Anya are alright.

The charm Tara sent works like magic. :) If the general population knew about this, the bug spray companies would be out of business in a heartbeat.

How are things there? Buffy, Dawn, Willow, Tara? Everybody (relatively) safe? Tell them Sam and I said hi.

If you need somebody to talk to, I’ve got just enough psych training to make you feel awkward and over-analyzed. Seriously, though, I’ll listen.

Later!  
Riley

_______________________

RE: RE: RE: Everything alright?  
From: batmans_hero@yahoo.com  
Sent: Sat 3/16/02 3:46 PM  
To: agentsfinn@hotmail.com

\--

Riley, 

We’re all doing okay here. Things got a little crazy with Buffy this week. Like, crazier than usual. It would have been a good chance to put your psycho-analyzing to use. 

Did you ever think that maybe you’re supposed to be living a buttoned-down, steak-and-potatoes life, and you just took a wrong turn somewhere and wound up on the Hellmouth by mistake? (this would be the metaphorical Hellmouth, since you ran away from the real thing) 

I used to really wish for that normal life, every time I got hit by a baddie or had to miss Farscape because of slayage, but now ... I’d take the Hellmouth. I look at the people who would have been important to me if I hadn’t spent my teenage years in the cemetery, and the only one I see is Willow. I’d rather have the evil and insanity and keep the people I love than be normal and alone, you know?

Wow, look at me and my emotional rambliness. Things are fine here, for real. And thanks. If I get ready to talk, it’s good to know you’re a willing talkee.

Have fun in the jungle!  
Xander

***

Xander didn’t recognize the postmark on the box, but that wasn’t unusual. With the Scoobies playing globetrotter (but not the whistling, basketball kind) and the various Council offices around the world, Xander was used to getting letters and packages from God knew where. 

He always felt the Christmas-morning desire to tear into his package immediately, but he’d learned enough patience to wait until he was back in the Jeep. He barely flinched as he slid onto the scorching seat, and he considered the possibility that his ass was getting callused. His fingertips left damp smudges on the cardboard as he fumbled out his Leatherman and slit the tape. 

In the past year, Xander had gotten a padded envelope containing the batwings he needed to make a gris-gris one of Willow’s friends had recommended, a meticulously packed box containing action figures and autographed pictures that Andrew had gotten for him at a con, and a package containing a purple wig that Dawn had insisted he photograph himself wearing. So when he set the box on the passenger seat of the Jeep and pulled open the flaps, he was ready for anything. What he got was beef jerky. 

Bemused, Xander lifted out the bag of jerky to see what else was in the box. In a moment, he had a package of water purification tablets, two packs of AA batteries, a sack of Jolly Ranchers, and a flash drive sitting on the seat next to the jerky. At the very bottom of the box was a piece of paper. 

Xander swiped a hand along his sweaty forehead as he unfolded the paper. It was plain, lined paper, edges ragged where it had been torn from a notebook, and it bore only a few lines in neat, small handwriting. 

_Xander,_

_How’s the dark continent? Let me know if that’s a misnomer, and I’ll send sunglasses next time. The jump drive is music for your iPod. Listen, enjoy, share. It’d be awesome if you spread the love of punk across the Serengeti. Don’t be a stranger, man._

_Oz_

The next time Xander mailed in hard copy of his reports (because the Council was still archaic enough to insist on wet-ink signatures on everything), Xander dropped off a small parcel addressed to the Minnesota address from which Oz had sent his care package. Inside was a carved wooden figure and a note written on the back of a memo about mandatory meditation for all Slayers. The note said:

_Oz,_

_The folks in Oshogbo are Carter Peace Mission fans for life. This is one of their twin figures (not a real one, just one they carve for the stupid Americans). I figure it’ll give you something to bring to Antiques Roadshow if it ever comes to your neck of the woods. Thanks for the Jolly Ranchers._

_Xander_

_P.S. The “dark continent” = most misleading name since the Beauty of Childbirth video we had to watch in health class._

Two months later, Xander got a package with a New Mexico postmark addressed in Oz’s tight handwriting. Inside were more Jolly Ranchers, water purification tablets, and beef jerky, a pair of sunglasses, and a picture of Oz standing between the twin appraiser guys from Antiques Roadshow. There was no note, but on the back of the picture it said, “Wish you were here.”


End file.
